WHHHYYY?!?!

gah! it's rant time for me again. i am soooo freakin' annoyed again! why can't some people get it?! when i say no... then it means NO. people who know me would know when i'm serious and mean what i say. for someone who claims to have feelings for me and supposedly 'loves' me to not understand where i stand... then this person is awfully being lunkheaded.

it's not like i'm purposely acting like a coldhearted bitch but this guy is really starting to piss me off in a MAJOR way. i really hate it when i hurt other peoples feelings but sometimes i really have no choice.

ok here's the story... about a year ago some guy courted me. at first he was ok and i thought that maybe he wasn't too bad and really he isn't bad at all, he's actually nice. then he became too clingy for me... like he always wanted to be where i am or whatnot and i can't stand that sort of stuff so i told him what i thought and he backed off a little. but then it still happened and then more things that annoy me happened... like when he texts me that he wants to come to our house and visit then i'd be in the middle of doing something so i'd tell him no 'cause i'm busy and then he'd keep on annoying and i'd still say no... then all of a fuckin' sudden our helper or my brothers would call me and tell me someone is outside looking for me and it's him... ugh! it's like he doesn't listen to anything i say and it annoys me. there was also this time he asked me again where i was 'cause he wanted to see me and i said i can't 'coz i was somewhere having dinner with my family... a few minutes later he texted me and told me that he was outside the cafe and wanted to see me... ugh! i was majorly pissed 'cause i said no and he didn't listen to me again. but the major clincher for me was that time when he asked me to go watch a movie with him or something... i said i can't 'cause i promised my MOM i'd go to the mall with her and help her find a dress shirt and a tie for my youngest brother's prom... actually i was the one who told my mom not to buy anything without me there 'cause i wanted to dress up my brother... so yeah! i was at the mall with my mom and then the guy texted me again and was asking me out AGAIN... so i had to explain to him AGAIN that i can't 'cause i don't want to bail out on my mom... so he said he'd go the mall and meet me there... so i asked him what he's gonna do, become me and my mom's tail? and then he replied NO... he suggested that once he gets to the mall that i could just leave my mom and go with him...

KABOOM!

really i was literally about to explode... HOW INSENSITIVE! for those of you who don't know... i am the only girl in our brood and i am extremely close to my mom... actually all of us are extremely close to our mom and we would never be that insensitive.

so after that episode i thought... i can never be with a guy like that so i said goodbye to him. i explained to him why i can never be with him and that maybe we shouldn't be seeing or talking to each other for awhile... after all that rant... all he asked me in the end was if i was busy the next day and if i wanted to watch a movie... WAS HE EVEN LISTENING?! i almost slammed the gate at his face.

anyways... so i avoided talking to him and such so he can move on and all... 'cause think about it.. dump a guy and then the next day call him and ask him to accompany you and be all flirty? that is stupid...i sooo do not play like that. i did say we could be friends and all but he is really making it hard for me to become his friend because he always makes me feel uncomfortable when he says he still has feelings for me and that i should give him a chance to prove his love... blah blah blah... but i can't --not when i don't feel anything towards him besides friendship. i've been ignoring him because i wanted him to just move on because i'm sure i made it pretty clear that there will be nothing going on between us and i'm tired of explaining that to him.

earlier on today i made a mistake of replying to him when he IMed me... and so he declared his 'love' again and blah blah and i rejected again... must it always be like this? i want to be his friend... i really do! and, contrary to popular belief, i don't get a kick out of hurting his feelings --or anyone's feelings for that matter but sometimes it leaves me with no choice.



for the guy i was talking about... you know who are and if you find yourself here reading this then know i'm sorry but i already told you before... i don't do stuff i am not comfortable and i am not happy doing. if i did let you court me again then i would be lying to you and to myself... i would just be leading you on when you won't get anything in the end from me. just let it all go... you'll find the girl for you only if you just move on and open you're eyes and heart. if you're still hoping i'd change my mind... then i'm sorry to tell you but you're holding on to nothing but thin air.

why i seem like i don't care...

Whatever Will Be

by:Vanessa Hudgens

Sometimes I feel like I'm a bird with broken wings

At times I dread my now and envy where I've been
But that's when quiet wisdom takes control
At least I've got a story no one's told

I finally learned to say
Whatever will be will be
I've learned to take
The good, the bad and breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
No one knows if shooting stars will land

These days it feels naive to put your faith in hope
To imitate a child, fall backwards on the snow
'Cause that's when fears will usually lead you blind
But now I try to under-analyse

Is the rope I walk wearing thin?
Is the life I love caving in?
Is the weight on your mind
A heavy black bird caged inside?

Say
Whatever will be will be
Take
The good, the bad
Just breathe

'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
No one knows if shooting stars will land

Whatever will be will be
I learned to take
The good, the bad and breathe
'Cause although we like
To know what life's got planned
Thing like that are never in your hands
No one knows if shooting stars will land

i love that song because it just about sums up how i live my life. sometime people keep on planning, even the smallest details, that they freak out if something unplanned comes along their way. i'm not saying planning is wrong... it's actually good to know what we want, have an insight of what we want our futures to be and do what we have to do to achieve them. but expecting everything to go as planned? that is just setting yourself up for major disappointment.

i've learned that life is full of uncertainties and that expecting for something almost always lead to disappointment. so i just live for today and do what i must to not screw up my tomorrow and if life gives me unexpected surprises, good or bad, then i take it and move on. life is too short for regrets. when we do something we should know there are always consequences, be it good or bad, and we should learn how to live with it. if it was a mistake then learn and if it wasn't then good.

it's ok to be scared of what the future brings but fear shouldn't let us dictate what we do. as what i've heard before... if you want something to change then do something you've never done before. and if you do something different... that's when the surprises come in.



Lovingly Yours,
master yoda (haha)